Nip/Tuck: Teacher failing student

This second half of the season for Nip/Tuck is turning out to be a masochistic affair. Cutting off your breasts with a bread knife, now a promising surgeon destroys his dominant hand to get out from under his father's will. The series is running out of ways for people to destroy themselves, so we must be coming it's end.

The prominent theme here was teacher and student, and the musical choice to repeatedly back the scenes was Mancini's "Dreamsville." Not only was it a love theme for the tv show Peter Gunn (oh, Edie!) but it also featured a young John Williams on piano in Mancini's orchestra. Williams, of course, would go on to fame scoring Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Close Encounters, etc., but at the time he was kind of a student to Mancini's teacher. In this episode, all the teachers ultimately fail their students (Christian, Sean, Raj's dad and Carrie May all blow it with their students,) but I've not heard any stories that parallel that with Mancini and Williams' time together.

Meanwhile, there was also the affairs of Christian Troy to cover, and that went to "Hercules Theme" by the aptly named Hercules and Love Affair, along with Joe Jackson's "Steppin' Out." And normally, I'd get all excited about hearing R.E.M.'s cover of "Superman," but I'm too worn out with masochism to care.

Stay classy, N/T.

Playlist: Nip/Tuck - Episode 5.18
1. "Dreamsville" - Henry Mancini - Used throughout episode to underscore teacher/student scenes
2. "Superman" - REM - Sean and Raj perform Christian’s pectoral reconstruction/Matt visits & Sean suggests Raj tutor him/Vijay Paresh tells Sean why he’s visiting Raj
3. "Hercules Theme" - Hercules and Love Affair - Liz spruces up/Christian has sex over and over…/Liz walks in on Christian
4. "Steppin Out" - Joe Jackson - Sean takes Raj out for wings and beer/Matt calls Raj/Christian has more sex and his implant moves
Compiled by Avalon at niptuckforum.com

Previously: Love is Hot (Truth is Molten) [Episode 5.15]

Nip/Tuck: Love is Hot (Truth is Molten)

After last year's mid-season finale for Nip/Tuck, one of the most common questions asked was "when is McNamara/Troy going to get some security?" As if to answer that chorus, this mid-season premiere goes back and replays the events of the night to try and explain how Colleen could have gotten to Sean, given that he's a famous TV star and she has a restraining order against her. Apparently, all you need to do is disguise yourself as a patient and no one will think twice.

Giving the scene an extended remix served not only the purpose of showing that they did in fact have security (crackerjack at that) but also gives Music Supervisor PJ Bloom a second opportunity to pick music to back it. Here he sneaks in two (three sort of) songs, first cleverly employing The O'Jay's classic "Backstabbers" to clue us in that the women bypassing security under wraps is indeed our backstabber. Then we get Mark Ronson's "Stop Me Medley," which combines The Smiths' "Stop Me if You Think That You've Heard this One Before" and The Supremes' "You Keep Me Hanging On," both songs fitting in well with Colleen's mini-Misery camp out with Sean.

But, of course, Sean lives... but we knew that right? Didn't we see them all in the future? That was another observation posited after the cliffhanger that Ryan Murphy deemed necessary to address in the episode, when Sean assures Christian that he won't be dying of breast cancer, even if that vision of the future was "just a dream." Hey, Shaft survived tit cancer, so shut your mouth (I'm just talking about the Shaft). With both Doctors handicapped by ailments, they turn their lemons into a lemon-orgy of sorts, using their status to get some sympathy sex, all to the sounds of Donovan's "Barabajagal". "Love is hot truth is molten!"

The episode ends, as many Nip/Tuckers do, with a breast exam of the soul. Doctors Christian and Sean looking into their respective mirrors and not liking what they see, all to Beck's rendition of "Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime" done for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. And here it's worth linking to the original version, by the new wave band The Korgis.

Nip/Tuck - Episode. 5.15
1. "Backstabbers" - The O'Jays - Colleen sneaks into the office
2. "Stop Me Medley" - Mark Ronson featuring Daniel Merriweather - Sean and Colleen's bloody conflict
3. "Di Gue Ding Ding" - Michael LeGrand - played during Ronnie's ear surgery
4. "Barabajagal" - Donovan (w/ Jeff Beck Group) - Sean and Christian get some sympathy sex
5. "Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime" - Beck
Compiled by Avalon at Nip/Tuck Forum

Previously: Fame's a Killer (Episode 5.15)

I'm in Mexico right now... posts have been written ahead of time and scheduled, so forgive the lack of response

TV's Top Music Moments of 2008

In year's past, a show's finale meant a spike in music downloads the next day, but this year was quite different thanks to several mitigating factors. The first was the writer's strike, which cut down the number of proper season finales in scripted television this year by nearly half. The second and third factors deal with money, with music licensing rates on the rise and the economy on a downturn, it's no wonder that series have tried to do "more with less," to quote The Wire.

Just look at the top five I have listed here and you'll notice there's not one single use of a popular song in its original form, typically the more expensive option in music placement. They're all either original songs written for the occasion, or they've taken a song and have it performed by the cast. I guess, as the old saying goes, folks got to eat. Mmmmm.... as do I, so without further ado, here's the list.

10. 30 Rock me Amadeus
30 Rock - Episode 2.13 / "Requiem: Lacrimosa" - Mozart
The episode ("Succession") pits Tracy's Amadeus against Frank's Salieri as Tracy bridges The Uncanny Valley to make a realistic porn video game. Just add Kenneth in the role of Constanze, Mozart's wife and protector; then cue Dr. Spaceman running through the studio in a cape... pause for laughter... and scene!

9. (tie) Killer Colleen
Nip/Tuck - Episode 5.11 / "Me And My Teddy Bear" - The Tinseltown Players
Nip/Tuck - Episode 5.14 / "Fame" - David Bowie (w/ John Lennon)
Nip/Tuck loves both its guest stars and being outrageous. Sharon Gless combines the two with her role as the stalker Colleen, cementing the season's theme of 'fame' in the final few episodes. First comes when she killis Bob the agent from CAA with a teddy bear stuffing machine to the child-like tune of "Me and my Teddy Bear." Second comes in the mid-season finale, when she goes Mark David Chapman on her obsesson, stabbing Sean to the David Bowie's "Fame." And who else helped write and sing on that great song? John Lennon, of course.

8. Let's Twist Again (Like We Did Last Summer)
Mad Men - Episode 2.01 / "Let's Twist Again" - Chubby Checker
Mad Men has plenty of interesting music moments, but their almost always very subtle in their placement. Hearing Chubby Checker's sequel to "The Twist" (used in the first season) to open the second season montage was immediate and the perfect way to welcome the return of the near perfect series back into our homes.

7. The Half of You We Wanted to See
True Blood - Episode 1.06 / "Half of You" - Cat Power
Anna Paquin shows her goodies for the first time, going topless as Sookie while getting some from vampire boyfriend Bill, all to the sounds of Cat Power's "Half of You." The consummation of their relationship (which also involves some double-penetration via fangs) reminds us once again that this HBO vampire series is no Twilight.

6. Catfight!
Chuck - Episode 2.04 / "Smack my Bitch Up" - Prodigy
Yvonne Strahovski and Nicole Ritchie get wet and bloody beating each other up in the shower of a high school locker room, all to "Smack my Bitch Up."
I double-checked, this wasn't a dream.

5. (tie) Secondary College Musical!
Skins - Episode 2.02 / "Then Came the Day" - Cast (download) from "Osama! The Musical" (video)
Summer Heights High - Episode 1.08 / "Naughty Girl" from Mr. G the Musical (video)
The effects of High School Musical were felt across television series this year, but it was more interesting to see the interpretations from high schoolsecondary college-based series overseas. First came UK's Skins with Osama! The Musical, a love story that takes place on 9/11, between a stock broker and another survivor of the twin towers collapsing. "Then came the day, Osama blew us away" goes the love song, and as laughable as it sounds, it's hard to get out of your head. Then, from Australia (via HBO) came Chris Lilly's Summer Heights High and the musical arena spectacular "Mr. G!," featuring Lilly's drama teacher character Mr. G. Initially based on the death of a student (until parents veto the script,) "Mr G" follows a troubled teen's journey through drugs, with guidance from her favorite teacher, Mr. G. The song "Naughty Girl" actually became a top ten, certified gold hit in Australia.

Other school musicals in 2008: 90210's "Spring Awakening", South Park's "Elementary School Musical", Sesame Street's "PreSchool Musical"

4. (tie) The Greatest Gift of All
A Colbert Christmas / "Nutmeg" - John Legend, "Little Dealer Boy" - Willie Nelson, "Another Christmas Song" - Stephen Colbert, more
Everyone's favorite late night political satire host Stephen Colbert dons a cardigan and lampoons the old Perry Como, Bing Crosby, Andy Williams Christmas special tradition. It may be comedy, but the music wins the day with original songs co-written by Adam Schlesinger (Fountains of Wayne,) and featuring musical guests like Elvis Costello, John Legend, Willie Nelson, Toby Keith and Feist spreading their Christmas cheer, tongue-in-cheek. Aside from the Feist one, which really requires the context of the special to work, I think we can expect to hear the songs in future holidays.

3. It's a Wild Skins World
Skins - Episode 1.09 / "It's a Wild World" - cast (video)
While Skins often took some odd and unexpected turns, they usually countered it with a bit of the surreal to remind you that it's fiction. In the first season finale, Tony is hit by a truck, we get the expected scream and tears, but then the cast breaks into Cat Stevens "It's a Wild World," led by Sid and a chorus of random men at a urinal in a public bathroom. When the comatose Tony joins in for a verse, it's both jarring and funny at the same time, which is hard to pull off. The ending merely hinted at much of the craziness that was to come in season 2. That the series has cut most of the music out of the American airings makes it all the more special. I could honestly do a great top 10 list of just Skins moments that American audiences didn't experience. Don't tempt me!

2. Farewell to Baltimore
The Wire - Episode 5.10 / "Way Down in the Hole" - The Blind Boys of Alabama (video)
The series ends as it began, with Detective McNulty and the original theme song. As McNutty looks back on the city of Baltimore, we get a montage of all the old players, going on with their lives. The villains and do-nothings get rewarded with awards, promotions and new partners, and all the old beats from previous seasons look pretty much the same. In the end, though, this montage ultimately reminds us that the main character for the whole five-year run of the series was the city of Baltimore itself.

1. Sorry Jimmy, She's F*cking Matt Damon
The Jimmy Kimmel Show - 1000th Episode / "I'm F*cking Matt Damon" - Sarah Silverman /w Matt Damon
How can you argue with a song that won an Emmy and spawned a thousand tributes? Originally written for his birthday, Silverman debuted the song on Jimmy Kimmel Show's 1000the episode, and played on Kimmel's long running gag that ends many his shows ("apologies to Matt Damon, we ran out of time"). Kimmel replied with bigger budgeted "I'm F*cking Ben Affleck", and a flood of knockoffs quickly followed, including "I'm F*cking Seth Rogen" (Elizabeth Banks from the set of Kevin Smith's Zack And Miri Make A Porno) and Hillary Clinton in "I'm F*cking Obama".



Previously: TV's Top Music Moments of 2007

Fame's a killer

It's the mid-season finale for Nip/Tuck and the number one question on my mind is: What will it take for McNamara/Troy to finally get a security system? Seriously, throughout this season -- and really, throughout Nip/Tuck's existence -- folks have been breaking into both the offices and the home of the suddenly famous plastic surgeons, while Christian and Sean seemingly treat it as part of the job. Same goes for the set of Hearts & Scalpels -- even a restraining order for Colleen doesn't seem to inspire an increase in security. Ok, enough on that, and we'll table Colleen for later.

The theme of this episode was all about the price of fame, which is appropriate given McNamara/Troy's move to Hollywood. N/T's take here of course pales in comparison to what Ricky Gervaise did with the finale for Extras, an episode which did a better job on all fronts, but we'll try to look past that. Jennifer Coolidge reprises her Candy Richards role here, as an actress who's caught up in believing she's famous, when she's really just this week's dead girl on Law & Order SVU. Coolidge is great at the over-the-top performance, and it's a clue to the outrageousness of all that that follows. Her Candy character also threw out a reference to 'the locusts,' which, whether intentional or not, had me thinking of Nathanael West's The Day of the Locust, which tells the tale of Hollywood dreams gone sour - an appropriate reference to be sure.

Speaking of dreams gone sour, Julia's still alive after being shot in the head, but has still fallen victim to tired plot device #32: she's lost her memory. Sean, like Edie last season on Desperate Housewives, sees this as an opportunity to start fresh with Julia. We can already see how this ends -- even without the benefit of last season's flash-forward. Back to tightening security, why does anyone still trust Eden, exactly?

I can't help but think the 'Matt sleeps with his sister' story arc was put into play purely so we could hear Christian say: 'I can't believe I'm saying this, but you can't sleep with your sister again!'' That and to set up the above shot of Christian riding Emmy's amputee mother -- his bare ass splitting the uprights. Perhaps Emmy herself is a representation of the award, with the metaphor being winning the award is like making love to your half-sister - it may feel good on a certain level, but it's just not worth it. To be honest, I think N/T's days of trying to sleep with it's half-sister Emmy are now in the past -- let's hope it's the same for Matt.

Finally, let's get to the music, and, in turn, back to Colleen. At the end, when Sean begins to perform surgery on his daughter, we hear David Bowie's "Fame," which on the surface seems like a benign choice, given the theme, and the prior use of Irene Cara's similarly titled song. But let's not forget who else sings on Bowie's song. It's none other than John Lennon, who you'll remember was killed by a stalker/fan in Mark David Chapman. So even though there was no "Tubular Bells" to signal Colleen's entrance, like in the past, hearing Lennon's voice was a good clue that she was lurking with psychotic intentions. We'll have to wait until this summer now to find out Sean's fate -- and whether Colleen had Catcher in the Rye on her at the scene of the crime.

Other favorite lines this week:
"And people... let's try and save that camera, it's a damn good Leica!" - Sean acting in Heart & Scalpels, prepping his team to remove a camera from a paparazzi's anal cavity.
"If a tree falls in the forest, and there aren't a bunch of nerds with cameras there to record it, does it make a sound?" - Candy, on why she called the paparazzi.

Playlist: Nip/Tuck - Episode 5.14
1. "Fame" - Irene Cara - Candy's surgery
2. "Take A Picture" - Swizz Beatz - Candy sets up her exit for the paparazzi
3. "Fame" - God Lives Underwater - Sean and Christian are mobbed by paparazzi
3. "Fame" - David Bowie - Annie's surgery / Colleen stabs Sean
Compiled by Avalon at Niptuckforum.com

More: While the song title is the key reference here, you could really just substitute Bill Wither's "Lovely Day" in place of "Take a Picture" as they just used the sampled intro, minus Swizz Beatz' vocals. And really, any excuse to listen to Withers is reason enough in my book.

Previously: Always a Critic (Episode 5.13)

Always a critic

This week's Nip/Tuck got kind of ugly. First of all, 'ugliness' was the prevailing theme, both inside an out -- a central theme in the series since it's premiere. When Sean received a terrible review for his work on Hearts & Scalpels, from a fictional Entertainment Weekly critic named August Walden, he rushes out to confront him, all to the tune of Blue Oyster Cult's "Godzilla." It's a truly fitting song for more than just ugliness that follows. BOC were themselves sort of a product of critics -- manager Sandy Pearlman and occasional lyricist Richard Meltzer wrote for Crawdaddy!, the first magazine of rock criticism in the U.S. Music supervisor PJ Bloom occasionally throws in little nuggets like this, which really keeps me watching more than anything else.

Naturally, it turns out that the critic Walden is an ugly little troll of a man and his appearance is the reason for his endless terrible reviews of tinseltown's finest, which Sean points out to him in an ugly fashion. Is this really what Ryan Murphy thinks of TV critics? Sean later apologizes when Walden comes in for a consult, but the viciousness behind the scenes really felt cheap and ultimately pointless in the end. The Walden character is shown to be just as vain as anyone else, getting surgery to improve his appearance and perhaps his reviews. The surgery is done to the -- perhaps too obvious -- song "The Ugly Duckling," sung by Danny Kaye (born from his turn as Hans Christian Andersen.)

To cheapen it some more, after the surgery is a success, Walden is subjected to 2nd degree burns from another actor's ugly vengeance from another of his reviews. The song playing when this happens is Jerry Vale singing "Mala Femmina," a song written by the great Italian actor Totò, about the paradoxical ugliness of his ex-wife. The song title translates as 'evil woman' and the lyrics convey a beautiful woman full of ugliness. The Sopranos used the song to great effect in season four (episode 4.04, "The Weight"). Of course, the best character for this song would be Eden, the embodiment of "mala femmina."

Julia discovers Eden's plot is death by mercury poisoning, and it serves as an interesting commentary the slow poisoning of citizens everywhere by these means. The current administration has been ignoring mother nature's warnings for too long, and no longer can we trust the 'P' in EPA. Somehow, folks still trust Eden, though, enough so that Julia's guard is down at the end allowing her to get her gun. Now we just have to wait and see if that flash-forward from last season featuring (a very alive) Julia will need to be reinterpreted/thrown out or not.

Meanwhile, if that weren't enough, Matt is back (collective 'groan',) and that means something f*cked up is going to happen. The 'previously on Nip/Tuck' intro reminded us of all the stupid things Matt falls into: Unwittingly dating a tranny, beating up another tranny, dating a white supremacist, Scientology, crystal meth... need I go on? Well, after the rejection by his burn victim/therapist girlfriend, Matt has sex with a patient who turns out to be his half-sister, to N/T's favorite band Gotan Project ("El Capitalismo Foraneo.") Matt's always been good at justifying his actions by cherry-picking research, and he finds the most f*cked up website I've ever heard of, one that explores the positives of brother-sister incest. As long as they didn't grow up together -- and use protection -- they're alright. Ugh.

Playlist: Nip/Tuck - Episode 5.13
1. "Godzilla" - Blue Oyster Cult - Sean confronts August Walden at coffee shop
2. "So weit" - Urbs - Julia walks in on Christian having sex with another woman
3. "The Ugly Duckling" - Danny Kaye- August’s facial reconstructive surgery / Emme's post-surgery reveal
4. "El Capitalismo Foraneo" - Gotan Project - Matt hooks up with Emme/find out their siblings
5. "Mala Femmina" - Jerry Vale - August returns to coffee shop, has coffee thrown in his face
Compiled by Avalon at Niptuckforum.com

Previously: Cougar Crazy (Episode 5.12)

Cougar Crazy

The main theme on this week's Nip/Tuck was obviously cougar related, and somewhere along the line, I lost count of all the cat references, as the number kept growing, like turning the pages of Cat Fancy magazine. Guesting this week were eighties ladies Donna Mills, Joan Van Ark (both of Knots Landing,) Shari Belafonte (Hotel,) and and Deb Shelton (Body Double), playing high society cougars on the prowl for a new plastic surgeon boy toy -- someone to make them feel and look good.

Lulu (Mills) invites Christian to their lair, for an interview dinner featuring other candidates vying for the desired 'position.' As they're introduced, we hear Barry Adamson's "Jazz Devil," playing up the James Bond vibe in the room, especially the line "call me Agent Double-O 6-6-6." But it also serves as another cat reference: "But first I found some cats, and they were howling at the moon / I told them "You play the instruments, and I'll play the baffoon."

But it's the song that follows that had my spine tingling. As Christian cuts to the chase and drops his kielbasa on the dinner table -- they actually dropped a wet hot dog to get the sound effect -- the music is David McCallum's "The Edge," a song many recognize as the song sampled in Dr Dre's "The Next Episode." But McCallum's original instrumental (done with David Axelrod) is perfect here -- and perfectly obscure -- to keep with the 007 mood and dramaticize Christian's large, uh... resume. David McCallum is known more for his role as Illya Kuryakin on The Man from U.N.C.L.E. but you can also see him regularly as Ducky on NCIS.

Once the cougar dinner scene is over, the cat references just never cease. Our other eighties guest star John Schneider (Dukes of Hazzard) revisits his role as porn mogul Ram Peters and takes Sean on a tour of the cougars of the porn world, showing off his stable of over fifty actresses, done humorously to the tune of One Way's "Cutie Pie." Immediately after Ram laments that it's hard to find women over fifty who keep their appearances, we cut to the semi-sexy cougars going at it with Christian, one-by-one to Ted Nugent's "Cat Scratch Fever." All except Lulu, played deliciously by Donna Mills -- who looks pretty amazing for her 67 years of age. When Lulu tries to get Christian to bring out her "feline essence," the story line starts to mirror that of the Cat Woman, Jocelyn Wildenstein, a high society cougar in her own right. If it weren't true, it would seem even more batshit, wouldn't it?

Even before Lulu's 'feline essence' surgery, I was humming "What's New Pussycat" -- the Tom Jones classic is a karaoke staple of mine, if you must know -- so it's inclusion seemed obvious to me at least. Ditto goes for Hall & Oates "Maneater" which follows for the 'reveal.' It's fitting that it's Joan Van Ark's character who looks the most shocked, since that's the face we've all been making whenever we get a glimpse at her recent scary post-op pictures. She's the one looking more like Cat Woman these days. Someone needs to give that woman a scalpel intervention.

Meanwhile, the sad and crazy Colleen -- played brilliantly by Sharon Gless -- story nearly reaches tragic end. Sean finds out she's really just the kooky make-a-bearscare lady at the mall (am I the only one who thought her glasses and ears make her look like Arthur?) and he's understandably angry. Colleen, who's always backed by The Exorcist theme music (possession?) has her fatal attraction turn cinematic, as she attempts suicide like the original ending for Glenn Close' character. Could this be the 'one more death' that Ryan Murphy promised? As Dr. Dre would say, wait until "The Next Episode."

Playlist: Nip/Tuck - Episode 5.12
1. "Memories" - Waldeck - Kimber & Eden's porn shoot
2. "Jazz Devil" - Barry Adamson - Christian is introduced to the Cougar party
3. "The Edge" - David McCallum - Christian drops his resume on the table
4. "Cutie Pie" - One Way - Ram tells Sean about his over-50 actors and their needs
5. "Cat Scratch Fever" - Ted Nugent - Christian consults and peforms surgery on each cougar
6. "Take From Me" - Kissing Cousins - Sean advises Eden to end porn contract
6. "What's New Pussycat?" - Tom Jones - Christian plans and peforms cat reconstruction on Lulu
7. "Maneater" - Hall & Oates - Lulu's surgery is revealed to the other cougars
8. "Tubular Bells" - Mike Oldfield - Variation played for Colleen throughout
Compiled by Avalon at Niptuckforum.com

More: All that and I didn't even mention the Kimber/Eden sex scene. Perhaps it's just me, but I found it to be not sexy at all -- more cold and distant. Kimber's the cougar here, preying instead on her own past that she sees in 18-year old Eden. This can't end well for either.

Previously: Teddy Bear Teeth (Episode 5.11)

Teddy Bear Teeth

This week's Nip/Tuck put teeth on a teddy bear -- both figuratively and literally. Colleen (Sharon Gless) sure showed some teeth this week, both in her Teddy Bear craftsmanship and her murderous turn to keep Sean as a client. But more on that later.


The flesh of the weak is the food of the strong
Shishio Makoto, Rurouni Kenshin

The patients this week were doe-eyed newlyweds who, it turns out, turned to cannibalism to survive their honeymoon. The husband, Kyle (played by Jeff Hephner, who we last saw on The O.C. as Matt, Seth's comic book partner,) served himself as an appetizer, and the surgery to repair him featured just enough bars of Total Coelo's eighties oddity "I Eat Cannibals (Pt. 1)" to illicit a laugh, before tastefully moving on. Wife Lanie -- played by Lily Rabe, the daughter of Jill Clayburgh -- feels so guilty about eating part of her husband, so she offers up some of her own rancid flesh for her husband in post-op, making him sick. The surgery to repair her flesh offering naturally featured Billy Idol's "Flesh for Fantasy." It must've been a hoot picking music for this episode.

Meanwhile, Christian deals with a couple instances of teddy bear teeth. First, in a dream, he tries to break the news to Wilbur that baby's mama is dead, straight up, no chaser:

Mommy's not coming back because Daddy killed her. Daddy was horny, and tired, and mommy offered him cheap sex and well, basically, I screwed her off the balcony.

To which 3-year old Wilbur eventually replies, "mom's a skank." It was only a dream, but there were some serious teeth on both these instances when hugging a teddy bear was called for. It's certainly not uncommon for 3-year olds to act out dealing with a changed environment, so Wilbur being accused of biting his classmates felt very real. Our (nearly) 3-year old is still battling nightmares over the recent death of our family dog, and it's a tricky thing, to pull all the teeth out of such terrible news. Let's just say giving a puppy -- who's teething, no doubt -- to sooth Wilbur's baby mama grief is NOT the answer.

Next up is Gina's funeral, which starts out as a classy affair, set to Handel's "Sonata No. 6 in G Minor", but when the eulogies start, it turns into something entirely different. Her Sexaholics Anonymous cohorts don't hold back when discussing her prowess in the sack. "She gave the rim job of a lifetime" confesses one, while the leader later admits, "I'm going to be whacking off to those memories." These eulogies definitely had teeth!

But back to Colleen -- Sharon Gless again owned every scene, taking Colleen from kind old Jewish aunt in big glasses to her murderous extreme and back again. I loved that she had her own build-a-bear factory in her tiny apartment, and the Agent Teddy Bear (with teeth) was a nice touch, both commenting on the cannibalistic nature of the business and visually tying the episode together. But stuffing Bob the CAA agent to "Me and My Teddy Bear," while another fine instance of teddy bear teeth, was way over the top. That's something for Hearts & Scalpels to parody in an upcoming episode for sure (or appear in a collection of horror stories.)

Next week, we get a 80's Ladies night, with Joan Van Ark and Donna Mills from Knots Landing, Shari Belafonte from Hotel and Deb Shelton from DePalma's Body Double.
"The eighties never left" - Ryan Murphy.

Playlist: Nip/Tuck - Episode 5.11
1. "Prelude No. 22 in B Flat Minor, BWV 891" - Johann Sebastian Bach - Sean & Christian discuss Gina
2. "I Eat Cannibals (part 1) - Total Coelo - Sean & Christian perform Kyle's surgery
3. "These Boots Are Made For Walkin' - Nancy Sinatra - Sean performs Colleen's hammer toe surgery
4. "Sonata no. 6 in G minor Larghetto" - George Frideric Handel - Sexaholics Anonymous members deliver eulogy at Gina's funeral
5. "Me And My Teddy Bear" - The Tinseltown Players - Colleen stuffs Bob Levitz like a Teddy Bear
6. "Flesh For Fantasy" - Billy Idol - Sean & Christian perform Lanie’s surgery / Christian discusses Wilbur’s teacher
Compiled by Avalon at niptuckforum.com

More: Sharon Gless' wrap present to Ryan Murphy was a Teddy Bear with a noose around it's neck.

Previously: Possession and The Other One-Tenth (Episode 5.10)

Possession and the other one-tenth

There's just four more episodes left of this strike-shortened season, and since Nip/Tuck creator Ryan Murphy promised two characters would die, I guess it's one down, one to go. Before we get into the death, let me just say how much I love Sharon Gless. I was telling my wife that they must have a connection of sorts because she keeps stealing scenes on all her favorite shows. Queer as Folk*, Burn Notice and now Nip/Tuck. Here she plays Colleen Rose, an 'agent' who decides Sean needs to be a star and offers to represent him. Notice I use the quotes around agent, because she's no Ari Gold. Notice how she wandered away from the house Sean dropped her at? And her general fixation on Sean has me thinking she's more a stalker looking to get back at her extra-loving ex-husband by plucking her own extra and playing Sugar Mama to him. Her reaction to Sean taking up with his own extra near the end seemed like another bit for foreshadowing.

Sean surely doesn't want to be a kept (or possessed) man, though, especially seeing the extreme example that Jeff and his Beelzebubby Magda are. These two also show Christian that he's feeling a bit suffocated by Julia's possession over him along with her mysterious illness. Speaking of possession, when Sean finally gets his starring role on Hearts & Scalpels, it's to perform a human tail removal surgery on someone who believes he's possessed. The scene's backed by House of Love's synth-dance cover of Mike Oldfield's "Tubular Bells," which was famously used in the film The Exorcist. As always, the show within the show H&S gets the best line of an episode. Says Sean (as Pete): "I'm going to remove your devilish appendage and you'll be sliding into home plate by next week." The other great line was a sly reference to the controversy surrounding Grey's Anatomy and Isaiah Washington, when Freddy says in reference to Aiden's scandal: ''Too bad you're not black — we could have kept you around till the end of the season.''

But what most folks are still talking about is the death of Gina (Jessalyn Gilsig,) who only just returned to the series at the end of the last episode. First of all, how fitting that it's the 69th episode of N/T where this sexaholic kicks it? Christian gave her one last poke before she fell to her death, leaving us all wondering if Christian murdered Gina, or it was really just unsafe sex. On Gina's death, Jessalyn Gilsig says: "She better get a funeral, 'cause I don't want them over surgery, like, 'By the way, Gina's dead.'" Also experiencing coitus mortem was poor Jeff, who might be the most tragic figure ever on N/T. It's a sad enough existence marrying a sugar spouse, but to die before they do is truly a depressing thought. Even Anna Nicole Smith's destructive existence outlasted her sugar daddy J. Howard Marshall by enough time to hang herself with the benefits.

Playlist: Nip/Tuck - Episode 5.10
1. "The Devil" - Tears for Fears - Sean & Christian perform hair transplant surgery on Jeff
2. "Tubular Bells" - Book of Love - Sean stars in a Hearts & Scalpels with a possessed patient
3. "Tango, Que Misterio" - Palermo Nuevo - Christian has sex with prostitue while Gina watches
4. "Lovin' You" - Minnie Riperton - Colleen and Sean have dinner / Magda and Jeff having sex
Compiled by Avalon at niptuckforum.com

*Queer as Folk is an important reference point for this episode, as not only do we have Gless guesting, but also playing the part of Jeff was actor Robert Grant, who the played HIV-positive character Ben Bruckner on the Showtime series. HIV, besides possession, being another fear explored in the episode.

Previously: Forgiving Bombs and Betrayals (Episode 5.09)

Forgiving bombs & betrayals

Nip/Tuck has never shied away from a touchy subjects, and last night was definitely no exception. Using the Israeli-Palestinian conflict as a backdrop for a multi-thematic purpose is a dangerous proposition, especially when it's juxtaposed with some of plastic surgery's inherent vanity (ie, large breasts). Mad Men's Maggie Siff (pictured) does an excellent job giving her Israeli bomb survivor character (named Rachel, again) enough levity to survive a zany secondary plot anchored by the return of Rosie O'Donnell's Dawn Budge character.

The first theme explored was the idea of being an unwilling host to your enemy. Rachel discovers her body is riddled with human shrapnel - pieces of her suicide bombers' teeth and bone fragments, a bomber who's land was similarly an unwilling host to Israel. Meanwhile, Sean is playing host to Julia and Christian's affair -- Sean even imagines himself strapped to a bomb upon finding them together -- a visual which pushed a touchy metaphor perhaps too far. In the Freddy/Dawn subplot, the bomb metaphor was also used, but here it at least had the good taste to keep it more obtuse. Freddy finally admitting he was gay is the bomb here, and we didn't need a visual to infer it -- although Liz telling Freddy to 'explode, let it out sky high' was a tad on the nose.

The other major theme here was forgiveness, with Rachel attempting to heal herself by 'forgiving the unforgivable,' and making peace with her bomber by sending the remains to his parents. Sean, marveling at her bravery, decides to follow suit and make an uneasy peace with Christian.* Likewise, Dawn forgives her 'motordyke,' owing it to misplaced anger over playing host to Freddy's coming out party. It's apples to oranges again, though, I'm afraid.

Musically, there was a Judeo-Arab conflict going on as well, with songs from Iranian-born singer Azam Ali and her band Niyaz which meld Persian traditions with the modernity of Western culture. The episode ends with the song "Forgiveness Hymns" by the Israeli/Moroccan Yoel Ben-Simhon, which is based on the 'El Nora Alila' hymn written by Moshe Ibn Ezra (1089-1164,) a Sephardic poet who lived in Spain and in Rome. Ben-Simhon sings in Hebrew, but plays it Moroccan style, merging the Jewish and Arabic together peacefully. Here is where the Israeli-Palestinian conflict metaphor truly works.

Playlist: Nip/Tuck - Ep5.09
1. "La Serena" - Azam Ali - Sean operates on Rachel while imagining the suicide bomber describe the attack, then later when Sean walks in on Julia and Christian
2. "Dunya" - Niyaz - Sean and Christian perform Rachel’s shrapnel-removal surgery
3. "Destination Calabra" - Alex Guadino (YouTube) - Freddy and Dawn describe how she got run over by a motorcyle
4. "Forgiveness Hymns" - Yoel Ben-Simhon - Sean stitches up Christian, Rachel's facial reconstructive surgery
Compiled by Avalon at niptuckforum.com

*But not before hiring Christian's baby mama Gina (Jessalyn Gilsig) on as a secretary. Gilsig's Gina is back at Nip/Tuck at exactly the moment her character Shelley (Mrs. Coach's sister) leaves Friday Night Lights, and both just got their Real Estate licenses, oddly enough. Wonder what hell Gina's going to put Christian through.

Previously: Nine Circles of Hell (Episode 5.07)

TV's Top Music Moments of 2007

After a popular series finale fades -- or cuts -- to black, nowadays there's a mad dash to find the song that ushered out the show. Download stats the next day go through the roof, and sometimes that recording will make a mark on Billboard charts. This year, that scenario happened time and time again, even bringing a group long since out of favor back into the limelight. Not all the moments I have below followed this path, but they all stuck with me, long after the credits rolled.

10. Total Eclipse of Meth Lab Matt [video]
Nip/Tuck - Ep 5.07, Song: "Total Eclipse of the Heart" - Bonnie Tyler
Miserable Matt pulls a Richard Pryor, setting himself on fire trying to cook up some drugs (meth in this case) in his apartment. After catching on fire, he manages to do a swan dive from the second floor into his complex's pool. The usual histrionics of Matt's scenes are amusingly sent over the top by using this Bonnie Tyler classic. Songwriter Jim Steinman -- the writer behind Meatloaf -- has a gift for over the top.

9. Mad Men Don't Think Twice
Mad Men Ep1.13, Song: "Don't Think Twice, It's Alright" - Bob Dylan
A fitting end to a nearly perfect first season of television. Dylan wrote the song as "a statement that maybe you can say to make yourself feel better," a consolation for your lover leaving you. As Don sits on the steps, we can imagine him having this argument in his head thinking about Betty and kids having left him -- this after finally realizing just how much he needs them.

8. Say Goodbye to the O.C., Bitch [video]
The O.C. Ep4.16, Song: "Life Is A Song" - Patrick Park
Credit Josh Schwartz for not playing the end of the series for tears, instead using the music for for a more simple montage of events that lead up to the series coming full circle. A grown and successful Ryan pays it forward by taking in a trouble youth. Cue whistling.

7. Life is Good [video] / [video] / [video]
Life Ep1.11, Songs: "Who By Fire" - Leonard Cohen, "Down Boy" - Yeah Yeah Yeahs, "Finally" - The Frames
The freshman NBC series was on a serious roll to end the year. Not only did it get picked up, but the final few episodes were it's strongest, especially musically. It seemed like someone beefed up the budget when it became apparent that the show had legs, and the work that was done with music in the final episode was some of the most inspired placement I've seen all year.

6. The End to a 'Series of Dreams' [video]
John From Cincinnati Ep1.10, Song: "Series of Dreams" - Bob Dylan
JFC proved to be a frustrating series -- moments of brilliance were followed by unexplained madness. David Milch's brilliant use of language couldn't save the series from being known as 'the show that killed Deadwood.' I still get a bit emotional watching the beauty of the opening credits, and the opening to the final episode, where John and Shaunie surf in from God knows where to this Bob Dylan song. With the series already dead, it felt like a wasted moment of brilliance... a beautiful bridge to nowhere.

5. Prince in Purple (and freezing) Rain [video]
Super Bowl XLI Half-Time Show - Playlist: Prince's Super Bowl Set List
After several disappointing half-time shows in a row, Prince steps in and tears the place apart. His royal badness owned the stage wearing heels in freezing rain, and in need of hip-replacement surgery! His cover of Foo Fighter's "The Best of You" was amazing -- I still don't understand why it's a single.

4. Morning Breaks for The Darling Mermaids [video]
Pushing Daisies - Ep 1.07, Song: "Morning Has Broken" - Cat Stevens (sung by Ellen Greene)
Ok, if you haven't seen this one, then it probably won't seem that special. But when Aunt Vivian breaks into the Cat Stevens classic, all the perfectly orchestrated silliness that preceded in the episode helped set this up to feel more then just a tug at the heart strings. The Aunts finally break from their depression and The Darling Mermaids are back in the pool, synchronized beautifully to the music. For me, this is the point where the series went from good to positively great.

3. David Bowie is Having a Laugh[video]
Extras Ep2.02, Song: "Little Fat Man" - David Bowie
Ricky Gervais supplied the lyrics for David Bowie, reportedly suggesting that he try and do something musically in the vein of "Life on Mars" and the result is pure magic. Everyone sing along, 'see his pot-nosed face...'

2. Bob Dylan is a Cylon [video]
Battlestar Galactica Ep3.20, Song: "All Along the Watchtower" - Bear McCreary w/ Bt4
A Bob Dylan song acts as a catalyst that triggers beloved characters on the Galactica ship to realize that they are in fact cylons. BSG composer Bear McCreary says about the use of the song in BSG's universe: "Perhaps this unknown performer and Dylan pulled inspiration from a common, ethereal source." I guess that's related to the infinite monkey theorem, but Dylan still might think about retaining the services of Romo Lampkin to sue said unknown performer over trans-universe copyright infringement.

1. The Sopranos Resurrects Journey's Career [video]
The Sopranos Ep6.21, Song: "Don't Stop Believin'" - Journey
Possibly the cultural event of the year, it also sent Journey back up the charts for the first time in twenty years. The moment when creator David Chase cuts off the song with singer Steve Perry singing "Don't Stop..." and the screen went black still has folks talking about it. The choice of the song was partly for the opportunity to sync up 'Don't Stop' with the cut, but it's also simply a song from Tony and Carmela's past, telling nothing about his future. He's alive, though, ok? So is Journey, for that matter, with a new album coming out in 2008 (sans Steve Perry).

Nip/Tuck's Nine Circles of Hell

Legend has it that when Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon set out for the famed Fountain of Youth, he was 40 years old and searching to find a cure for his sexual impotence. On this Nip/Tuck, Sean is making a similar journey at age 42, but instead of sailing for Bimini, Sean is diving into that other legendary utopia, Eden (AnnaLynne McCord). Only this one isn't a garden -- in fact it's evil and barely legal.

Another route to the Garden of Eden lies in Dante's The Divine Comedy, where first you have to go through Dante's Inferno, and his outlined nine circles of hell. Aidan with his 'Dante's Infernal party' -- backed by Joan Jett's "Do You Want To Touch Me?" -- serves as a sort of Virgil for Sean's Dante as he shows him through his own version of hell, Hollywood style. Meanwhile the circles of hell seem represented here, if out of order.

The First Circle is the virtuous pagans, which where I party out most of the time, so let's skip it. Second Circle is those overcome by lust -- Sean takes this one on in the opening scene with Eden, done to Lil' Mama's "Lip Gloss." Third Circle is glutton, which could be Dr. Joshua Lee's daughter Wendy, why else make her fat and allude to it a couple times? Fourth Circle is concern for material goods, which is beautifully represented by the scenes of Kimber shoplifting to Jenny Lewis' "Rabbit Fur Coat." Fifth Circle is sloth, and I'm pinning that on Matt in his dealing with Kimber (and maybe Olivia cowering in the face of their burglar).

Now we descend to the lower part of hell, where the Sixth Circle has heretics trapped in a burning tomb. Seeing Matt lit on fire from his botched Meth cooking attempt fits perfectly here, even more so that it's set to Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart." The Seventh Circle houses the violent, and Julia's kidnapper fits in here, especially when you notice the song playing on the radio -- Roy Acuff's "A Sinner's Death (I'm Dying)." The Eighth circle is the fraudulent, and who better to represent that then Eden herself, and "The Moneymaker" by Rilo Kiley (with Jenny Lewis again) makes for a nice theme song for her ("...she wants to overtake you / you know you wanna make her").

Finally we've got the Ninth Circle, and that is reserved for those who betray a special relationship. Christian and Julia fit the bill here, betraying both Sean and Olivia. It remains to be seen if N/T will take us through the Seven Terraces of Purgatory and onward through the Nine Spheres of Heaven -- but you know I'll be looking.

Playlist: Nip/Tuck - Ep507
1. "Lip Gloss" - Lil Mama - Sean and Eden have sex
2. "A Sinner's Death (I'm Dying)" - Roy Acuff - Olivia and Julia are robbed and then carjacked
3. "Not A Pretty Girl" - Ani DiFranco - Christian performs ‘freshening’ surgery on Kimber
4. "Espiritu" - Palmero Nuevo - Sean and Aidan visit with Aidan’s new-age doctor
5. "Rabbit Fur Coat" - Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins - Kimber makes herself up, shoplifts a fur coat, meets with Ram Peters
6. "Do You Wanna Touch Me?" - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts - Sean spots Eden at Aidan's 'Dante’s Infernal' party
7. "The Moneymaker" - Rilo Kiley - Sean plays hard to get with Eden
8. "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" - Bonnie Tyler - Matt tries to cook meth, sets apartment and himself on fire, jumps in hotel pool
Compiled by Avalon at NipTuckforum.com

Previously: Reality Bites (Episode 5.06)

Reality Bites

When this episode was written, the looming writer's strike had to weigh heavy on Nip/Tuck creator Ryan Murphy's mind. The timing of it is nearly perfect, anticipating television's near -- and hopefully temporary -- future of a schedule heavy with reality. "Reality's the future," exclaims Christian as he tries to talk Sean into doing the reality show, adding that there are no "overpriced writers" to worry about. The show-within-a-show here is a reality series pilot called Plastic Fantastic -- sort of like Dr. 90120 meets The Hills, and Murphy's cartoonish depiction serves as a biting commentary on current events.

There's not much in the way of music to call out, but composer James Levine, who does the score for the series, did all the music including the incredibly catchy theme song "Plastic Fantastic," which had some pretty funny lyrics:

Don't want no saggy bottom
Don't want no droopy eyes
I'd like a piece of candy
Go up one more cup size
Everyone wants to look like me....Plastic Fantastic!

There was one other bit of music, though. While Christian and Sean perform surgery on the aging gigolo, Mel Torme's "Midnight Swinger" plays, appropriately enough. To keep him from revealing Christian's dalliance in the male escort field, Christian gives him the full anesthesia, against his naturopathic wishes.

While they really went the extra mile with the Fantastic Plastic shots -- complete with MTV-like between scenes graphics, and those annoying quick snippets of what's too come -- this episode felt off a bit, like last season's episode set in the future. It was a bit hokey without a big payoff. I have to admit, though, that through the reality setting, Oliva and Julia's relationship goes under the microscope in a matter that doesn't drag down the rest of the episode. And, there was no Matt and Kimber, so it really should have been a better episode, you'd think.

Some fun quotes:
- "This show jumped the shark in the first five minutes" - Test subject's reaction to the pilot
- ''Julia is as gay as a jicama salad" - Liz backpedaling for Olivia's sake on her earlier claim to Christian that Julia wasn't gay
- "These people are crazy. The only reason I moved out here was because they threw a bunch of money at me. And... the golfing opportunities." - Nurse Linda
- "We really love each other, like Bill and Hillary... Ike and Tina." - Liz on her relationship with Christian
- "They spend every episode convincing us that Paula Abdul's just tired." - Junior publicist, Bliss explains what she liked about the reality show Hey Paula

Thankfully, it looks like next week they get back to more Hearts and Scalpels action (and more music to comment on).

Previously: Big Wheel Keep on Turning (Episode 5.05)

Big wheel keep on turning

Silly me. I always thought of sex as an intimate connection between two people, but Nip/Tuck has shown me to be completely naive.

Sex is a leisure activity (swinger club,) a weapon (Eden,) an occupation (Kimber and Matt,) an unrealized fantasy (Sean and Kate,) but ultimately, in the world of N/T, sex is (all of these things) a means to an end.

Poor, poor Eden... she didn't realize she was getting in over her head trying to blackmail Christian. Sorry girl, you don't play a playa. Even though Christian sold her down the river, I expect she'll be back for revenge soon enough, and not just to spill their secret. Speaking of keeping a secret, I'd like to call to attention the great use of Queens of the Stone Age's "The Lost Art of Keeping A Secret" to back Eden's blackmail efforts.

Eden may be gone for now, but she sure planted a jailbait flag in poor Sean's mind. Between that and Julia hitching through Lesbania, his head is too messed up to handle a relationship with Kate (Paula Marshall,) who's merely being dragged along for the ride on Sean's Big Wheel. They had their moment with the Eden schoolgirl fantasy -- amusingly backed by KC and The Sunshine Band's "That's the Way I Like It" -- but when you open the dark fantasy box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get. In Kate's case, it's actually chocolate, and the swingers party spiked with African-Americans was too much for Sean to handle, as his safe word took on a panicked shrill: "Big wheel... big wheel... BIG WHEEL!" I can imagine seeing porn star Lexington Steele going at it up close could be a frightening experience.

Meanwhile, the meth-addled duo of Kimber and Matt again dragged the episode through the unwanted drama of their sad existence (although it was nice to hear them smoking to The Chemical Brothers' "Do it Again"). I was hoping with the move to LA we'd get a fresh start, but they only remind us of what was wrong with N/T the past couple seasons. While it was nice to see the generally wholesome image of John Schneider roughened a bit as porn king Ram Peters, it was a predictable turn to see Kimber turn to her only currency to feed her habit. Why anyone would want to see meth-head Matt playing sloppy bottoms in gay porn (First Time Fairies II,) is beyond me. He really should have stuck with it if only for the daycare -- because if there's one thing I've learned as a parent, when you're smoking meth, you need some kick-ass daycare.

Next week is one of creator Ryan Murphy's favorite episodes of all-time, as Christian talks Sean into opening McNamara/Troy's doors to film a reality series. Sounds like fun!

Playlist: Nip/Tuck - Episode 5.05

1. "Do It Again" - The Chemical Brothers - Matt smokes meth in the apartment
2. "The Lost Art of Keeping A Secret" - Queens Of The Stone Age - Christian performs nipple reductio surgery on Chaz Darling / Sean confronts Eden and Christian
3. "Feel Like Making Love" - D’Angelo - Sean and Kate have sex

4. "That’s The Way I Like It" - KC & The Sunshine Band - Kate plays out Sean's schoolgirl fantasy
5. "Fire" - Coco De Mer - Sean’s ‘back scratch’ repair surgery with Mr. Forest
6. "Makeda" - Les Nubiennes - Sean and Kate arrive at the swinger party
7. "Cleopatra In New York" - Nickodemus - Sean views swinger ‘house party’ experience
8. "Housewives Choice" - (Library Music) - Matt hallucinates clean apartment with lots of baby formula
9. "I'm Gonna Lock My Heart (And Throw Away The Key) [Madison Park Remix]" - Billie Holiday - Sean admits to Christian that he broke up with Kate
Compiled by Avalon at NipTuckforum.com

Previously: The Eagle Flies at Dawn (Episode 5.04)